I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
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I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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