Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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