i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
