ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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