Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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