its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize