I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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