put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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