Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
