Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
