In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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