You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
