i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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