i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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