If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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