I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
