Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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