if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
