would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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