u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
