I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize