All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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