She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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