I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize