I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize