I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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