SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
