A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
