Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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