I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
