hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
