I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
should my penis look like a turkey
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
