mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
