why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
