I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
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chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
my shit smells like andre
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
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