You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
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We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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