I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
