i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
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We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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