My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
