Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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