Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
