i will never coherently bang her
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
