I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
