I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
