I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
