You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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