I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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