Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
