I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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