It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
