You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
