It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
please come you make the beer taste better
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
